Sensible Observations

Sensible Observations
>
> 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
> peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
> passengers in his car."
>
> --Author Unknown
>
>
> 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
> get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
> "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
>
> --Author Unknown
>
>
> 3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
> The! re's a support group for that.
> It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
>
> --Drew Carey
>
>
> 4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's
> not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
> doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
> drop them off at the wrong house."
>
> --Jeff Foxworthy
>
>
>
> 5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
> and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the
> infant's life! without even considering if there is a man on
base."
>
> --Dave Barry
>
>
>
>
>
> 6) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
> her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
> 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
>
> --Paula Poundstone
>
>
> 7) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
> better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
> authors of that study: "Duh."
>
> --Conan O'Brien
>
>
>

> 8) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of
> people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
> and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.
> Let's go west.'"
>
> --Richard Jeni
>
>
> 9) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
> impersonators would be dead."
>
> --Johnny Carson
>
>
>
> 10) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography."

> --Paul Rodriguez
>
>
> 11) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
> but they turned sixty and that's the law."
>
> --Jerry Seinfeld
>
>
>
> 12) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
> case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line
> from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
> What, do tall people burn slower?"
>
> --Warren Hutcherson
>
>
>
> 13) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
> member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."!
>
> --Mark Twain

>
> 14) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,
> and the dog will give you a look that says,
> 'My God, you're right!
> I never would've thought of that!'"
>
> --Dave Barry