FW: Situational awareness...

> Subject: Situational awareness...
>
> You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
>
> On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine
> traveling at the same speed as you.
>
> In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
> and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at
> ground level.
>
> Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same
> speed as you.
>
> What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
>
>
> Answer below*
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *Answer:
>
> Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round"... you're drunk.

FW: POTENTIALLY VS. REALISTICALLY

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." "Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars", and then, ask your brother "if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!"


The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes... potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars….but realistically,…. we're living with two sluts and a queer."

FW: The Pastor's Ass

The pastor’s Ass

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so
pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and
it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day,
the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get
rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a
nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the
following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get
rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day
the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and to let it loose in the country where it could run
wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS
WILD AND FREE.

The Bisjop had a heart attack and died.

The moral of the story is: Being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be
yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass
and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

FW: Tattoo of the Year

Tattoo of the year!

FW: Say Amen, Brother & Sister!

The Bill Gates Amen

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneat h your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English -Thank a soldier!!