FW: Another reason for "Vote for Pedro" tee-shirts.

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

"Who said 'Give me liberty, or give me death?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up,

"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" praised the teacher.

"Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper from the back of the classroom: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, another student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Another student yelled, "You're INCREDIBLE!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "You little punk... If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws an eraser at Pedro and another student shouts "Duck"!

Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?

Pedro answered: "Dick Cheney, 2006!"

FW: Fluctuations

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so Iwent to the currency exchange window at the local bank.I choose the shortest line. Just one guy in front of me.He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen fordollars and he was a little agitated.

He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get twohunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?"

The teller says, "Fluctuations."
The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too!"

FW: Smile & Giggle

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexynightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into thehouse. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountainstuff?""Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and theother is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,of course, he had to take an eye sight test.The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tellyou all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.""Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when Im driving."

FW: Diversion for the Non-Dyslexic

Try to read this. I'm sure you can....very interesting.

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it