Eight Words with two Meanings...

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.Male.... .. Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FL ATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female..... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieveMale.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

FW: I'm one of the 55% - are you?

READ IT. WIERD.

Subject: I'm one of the 55. Are You? ............... Don't even think about using spell check!!!!!!!!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I w as rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrodas a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

ONLY FORWARD IF YOU CAN READ THIS

FW: 9 Things I Hate About Everyone

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?


9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

*** Forward this to at least 5 people and see what comes on your screen, you will laugh your head off!!!!!!! This works. I don't know how...

FW: Where Is The Rake? ... Classic

I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take a
shower. I realized that I couldn't find the rake. I yelled up to my wife,
"Where is the rake?"

She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?"

I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion.

Then my wife wasn't sure and said "What?"

I repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"

My wife replied that she understands and signals back. She first points to
her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her
backside, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell I could
even come close to that one.

Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"

She replies,

Scroll on - it is worth it, I promise!












"Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush" !!!! -

FW: MARRIED FOR A NIGHT

MARRIED FOR A NIGHT

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both
married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk
and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman
saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing
to reach into the
closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's
pretend that we're married".

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted .

FW: Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to menuntil they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle !

FW: Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK . . . so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
21. What happens if you get scared half to death , twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your
butt tomorrow.

FW: Creative writing

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were: the story had to contain the following three things:
1) religion
2) sexuality
3) mystery
Below is the only A+ story in the entire class:

"Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"