3 Wise Women

There is a reason why middle aged women shouldn't go to Mardi Gras and drink!

It's not the size of your trunk...

An elephant is walking through the jungle when he comes across a naked manstanding in a clearing.

The elephant slowly looks the man up and down and says, "How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?"

Government Job

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Vietnam for three years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment." He then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes, 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off. "

The interviewer tells the guy, "O. K. I can hire you right now. The Hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A. M."

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls! ... no point in you coming in for that."

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, inorder to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him"Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh Crap.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."